IT’S 12:45am AND AM THINKING ABOUT DAD

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My Dad died due to difficulty in breathing when I was 14 years old. That’s my “tag line” when people ask me about him. It sums up all the information they need. But for me, it carries a greater reality I felt when he died that I will never be the same. I will never be the same . . . as I was before. In some ways, I see life as a puzzle every experience you have forms a piece of your unique puzzle. When combined, they form the entire picture of your life. My Dad took a piece of my puzzle with him, a piece that will never return. I am incomplete without it, without him. We shared memories that nobody else shares, which means he knew me differently than anyone else. When someone you love dies, that part of you dies as well. You can’t re-live that memory with anyone else. Your puzzle may grow, but you can never replace that missing piece. And because of that, I will never be the same again. My view of the world also changed. Before Dad died, I was young, innocent, and naive. I saw God’s beauty in the smallest things plants starting to bud, cocooning butterflies, the exact colour blue of the sky. When I found a four-leaf clover, Dad laminated it for me to preserve that small wonder. When I had questions, Dad would answer them. He always had the answers. The world had infinite joys to discover and I had endless curiosity. Life seemed to go on forever and I never thought about death. After the funeral, that all changed. I lost my parent, my hero, and my teacher. I thought a lot about death and dying. I still had plenty of questions, but nobody to answer them. And they certainly weren’t fun questions. So I learned things on my own great big things that I couldn’t have understood any other way. I learned the importance of telling people that you love them. Don’t ever let them wonder how you feel. Of all the things I regret, missing the chance to say “I love you” will never be one of them. I also learned to never pass up an opportunity to give or receive a genuine hug. When Dad was dying, I was terrified. I didn’t know how to act, what to say, so I sat in silence. He asked me, “Aren’t you going to give me a hug?” When we hugged, he started to cry. That memory has broken my heart ever since. He never should have had to ask. There are few words and fewer acts that can convey more emotion, more truth than a hug. They are the simplest, most perfect way to ease despair, to share joy, to demonstrate empathy, or to show love. Anyone who knows me knows that my hugs are free and frequent.
I will never be the same . . . as someone who hasn’t lost a parent. One of the hardest things about losing a parent is feeling that nobody understands. Even worse is feeling different and seeing those differences every day. When your friend shows you a car his dad bought for him, or you see how happy her dad looks to walk her down the aisle, or when they complain about something their dad did . . . you know you’re not the same. Your “memory playlist” is shorter. You can’t add more memories and you can’t relate to your friends with longer playlists. It hurts, it’s lonely, and there are some days you’d do almost anything to be the same . . . as you were, as they are.
But sometimes being different can be a good thing. At first with bitterness, now with acceptance, I realized that there is no promise of tomorrow. You are given such a small time, and you never know when your time will run out. Many people don’t truly appreciate this. How can they if they’ve never had to think about death? So treasure your life, make it worthwhile. Spend your life doing things that make you happy because you may not have the chance later. My life has been fuller, more beautiful, and more fun because I take chances that come to me. If my dad hadn’t died, would I always have played it safe? Something tells me maybe not.
Because of my dad’s death, I will never be the same. I traded innocence and “fitting in” for understanding and appreciation. I lost my dad but gained something in return. Would I give up everything I’ve learned if I could have my dad back? I don’t have that option. The only option I have is to make those changes as valuable as possible. If Dad can see me, I want him to know that he’s still teaching me and still answering my questions.

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HE WAS CRUSHED FOR MY SINS

So when I heard the words of Isaiah 53 at a Good Friday service, they resonated with me, comforted me. They began playing over and over in my mind, serenading my soul. “Yet it was the LORD’s will to crush Him and cause Him to suffer. It was the LORD’s will…to crush Him.”

I felt sure that if it was God’s will to crush the Son, then His intentions  in crushing me must be kind as well. But how? I needed to understand.

Jesus Christ, the Son of God, was crushed for my sin. He was pierced for my transgressions. He bore every failing and offense, all the moments of mistrust, doubt and disobedience. He was punished for every wicked inclination of my heart, for my bent to self-reliance and fear. He carried every one of my sorrows, every ounce of my spiritual sickness. My sin required the suffering of His soul.

Jesus took what I deserved and died in my place. He did it in love – in love for the Father and in love for me. And in being crushed, He crushed fully and forever the sin that kept me bound and far from Him.

I was in awe. And I started to see that my crushing was very different from that of Jesus.

The crushing I felt was not at all about punishment and, ironically, came because I had been forgiven for sin and adopted as a beloved child of God. Jesus’ crushing purchased for me the crushing of fatherly discipline. It had been laid upon me with a heavy and loving hand and was done for my good.

The Father had crushed me to keep me close, to remind me that moving apart from Him would always end badly. He was not punishing me and He was not mad at me. He was teaching me to trust Him even when I couldn’t see and did not agree or understand. It was an extravagant and excruciating mercy.

My crushing was about correction and conformity. But I needed help to see it rightly. I had to see my crushing through the lens of His in order to understand that it was love – not wrath.

As we remember the death of Christ this Good Friday, let us receive the consolation of the gospel. He crushed Jesus on our behalf. And at times He will crush us too, in love, that we might be conformed to the likeness of the Son, to the image of the One crushed.


YOU MATTER



No matter who you are, what you look like, or what you share with the world, there will always be someone who doesn’t approve. And that’s okay. You’re not going to like everyone and not everyone is going to like you. And that isn’t some fundamental failing on your part — that’s just life. It’s normal, and it’s nothing to beat yourself up over. There’s nothing wrong with wanting to be accepted, but you shouldn’t ever have to change who you are for the sake of winning someone else’s approval. You don’t live for other people. It isn’t your job to conform to their idea of what constitutes a “worthwhile” human being. You are who you are, and you’re enough. Instead of focusing on all the people who don’t accept or appreciate you, take some time today to remind yourself of all the people who do. It’s easy to forget about them, but they exist and they care. They’re the people who matter. To them, you matter. Let go of the rest.

Stay Blessed!!!

DON’T GIVE UP!!!



Worry eats at us. It mires our hearts in apprehension and fear. It saps our strength and drains our peace and that worry tempts us to believe the myth that an uncertain financial future is an unbearable state of affairs.

In Mathew six, Jesus speaks to people who had no savings account to calm their fears about their future. An yet Jesus looks them straight in the eye and calls them to a worry-free faith. Why? Because a father who takes such excellent care of his birds and flowers will surely provide his children with all they need.

Are you strapped financially these days? Do you find yourself fussing over your earthly needs as if you didn’t belong to the One who feeds the birds of the air and clothes the lilies of the field? Your Father knows and cares abut our needs. He assures us of his fatherly protection. That means we are free to go about God’s business today and leave tomorrow with Him. “Your Heavenly Father knows that you need them all Matthew 6:32.

I don’t know your needs right now. You may be jobless. You may be facing rising medical costs. You may not know where next month’s rent will come from. But wherever you are, let’s believe God together for our needs, not because we are oblivious to reality but because we are related to True Reality. Our loving Father calls us to leave our financial brooding and settle down with child-like trust in Him.  

Dearly beloved, I hope these words have touched your hearts, let us try to cast our burdens on him.

 God bless y’all 

USE WISELY!!!!

Hello guys. My post today is kind of spiritual, but work with me here. I have a good platform here and we are called to spread the word of God as children of God, thus this is me here sharing some wisdom I got from church. We live in a truly tempting world, do you agree?.
Especially us, Nigerians lol. I often ask myself if God speaks to us like in the days of old maybe we could learn to act right. I envy the close relationship he had with David, Moses, Abraham. At one seemingly low point in my life, I could boast of such a closeness. I could just sit, and feel God’s presence giving me joy! But now where is such closeness? *sad*.But yesterday I was reminded that in a tempting world such as ours we should learn to use our tongue wisely and this could only be achieved if we learn to be closer to our maker. “Likewise the tongue is a small part of the body, but it makes great boasts. Consider what a great forest is set on fire by a small spark. The tongue also is a fire, a world of evil among the parts of the body. It corrupts the whole person, sets the whole course of his life on fire, and is itself set on fire by hell.” (James 3:5-6)Therefore, this weeks finish line should be on how we can pay careful attention to our words.Using our tongues wisely is not an easy thing to do, but when we make the commitment to train our tongues by putting God’s Word into heart daily, by using our words sparingly, and by learning to listen carefully, we can use our tongues wisely. The more we improve the less heated arguments we will have with others, which will make more effective at reaching the lost. We have all said something that we wish we could take back or unsay. I’m sure you’ve also had times when you knew you should have said something but didn’t. Both instances can cause pain, heartache and destruction. Does it ever surprise you that such a small thing, like your tongue, can cause so much damage? In Lagos, it is often hard to get a word in edgewise or any other wise. We are bombarded with words from every direction at all hours of the day. Not only must we choose wisely what we SAY, but what we LISTEN to, READ or WATCH. The words we allow into our minds and ponder in our hearts turn into the very things we end up believing and staking our lives on. Thus, we must be very careful what we honestly consider/ponder just as we must be very careful what we say. This day, I want us to have a re-think…are you the kind of parent that is good at rendering quick abuses on your child wen they err, wife who insults her husband and makes him not to come home, the kind who quickly insults that guy/lady who mistakenly steps on you at bustop, the kind of girl every guy in your street is timing just because you have a bad character, the kind that gossips, the kind who always have issues with bus conductors because of your change. Well My brethren, there is perhaps nothing more sad in this life than watching someone lose it all because of what they said without thinking. Although specifically directed at another part of this discussion; I will close with a phrase that is applicable to any and all aspects of communication: “Loose lips sink ships”.
Have a fabulous week ahead
God bless y’all

BELATED NEW YEAR WISHES……

Well, better late than never. I wish all of you a peaceful and prosperous new year. I have been busy with a little project at hand and am so sorry i forget y’all. Now I am back, and belated New Year wishes to all. I know you all have your new year resolutions well as for me have got none and I know you would be wondering why? Well d reason is this: have failed these past years when it comes to resolutions so I don’t want to be in line with the promise and fail ish. So, I therefore tag mine as “new beginnings”.
So today’s post, was something I thought up in line with new beginnings. Do we ever really forget. So In my sojourn through life I have realized that when tempers burn and anger rages we tend to bring up our passed misdeeds, even those from way far back and as I listen to accusation upon accusation, reproach upon reproach I ask myself, do we really forget! When we are hurt or wronged, and when we make peace, is it any use to bring up past hurts that are supposed to have been over and done with. I am guilty of this too sometimes but when I see my mistakes through other people and note how irritated about the fact that some people just don’t let things go, I work harder and harder to let things go myself. I want to go into the new year with a new outlook. One that sees a present situation for what it is ‘present’ and not have to dredge up what other unfortunate shenanigans the person might have committed.
Is it really that easy though? To truly truly forget? I think not.. I have be honest it isn’t. But I strive everyday to be perfect like my Heavenly Father and if I have to write it down somewhere to remind myself daily then so be it. I refuse to recount the hurtful indiscretions of my friends whom I have forgiven. If the problem persists then it’s time to cut off.
Now that we are in a new year, I encourage us all to truly forgive and forget! To live, laugh and love and to not make the same mistakes over and over again. If someone keeps hurting you. Don’t dig up old memories. Forgive and move on. I wish you all so much love and peace that 2015 brings. Unfortunately it brings with it the dreadful elections but we shall overcome.
Look forward with optimism and hope. I see a bright future..

WHEN YOU HAVE TO SAY GOODBYE

Time always move forward, sometimes so slow it hurt but sometimes so fast that I don’t even notice. I still remember the day I started my fresh year at the university. But now 5 year has passed, and now am a graduate and I don’t think I will ever get to see my best friend EMEGHA CHUKS and PRISCA AGHAULOR again. When I think about the thing we have done together, the moment we all had fun, the moment we all quarelled, the moment we all share our sadness, etc. , and to think that I have to say Goodbye to you both, tear starts to form in my eyes. As we continue our path we choose, I hope that our
memory together will always be there to remind us about our happiness and to remind us that there will always be someone wishing you all the best.
To my best friend:
Thank you for letting me be myself and accepting me for who I am. Thank you for all the warmth. Thank you for always being there when I need someone. Thank you for taking care of me and most importantly thank you for tolerating me. I want you guys to know that I really enjoy our moment together and I really like myself when I’m with you both. Thank you so much for being my friends. Love you both to the moon and I never come back *tears*

Oh Hello again every one sorry about the rambling. I have many friends here at the university. And after I graduate we will continue on our way of life or our dream which are quite different. I just hope they succeed on everything they did. Goodbye is such a hard word to say. But at least it indicates that there will be time to meet again, right?

But I’m feeling a little bit sad. I shouldn’t be, it not that we will never see each other again. But I think thing will not be the same anymore. We will not be crazy student who does crazy thing together anymore. We will grow up, everyone does am just a little sad, that all

It would be great if time can move back so that I can go back to the time I like as much as I want. But our life might be more complicated. Don’t you think?

When the time you have to say goodbye come near, what will you do? So am officially saying GOODBYE
I LOVE YOU ALL *kisses*

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I AM SAPIOSEXUAL!!!

Gracefully, the sleek ride, a jet black 2013 Porsche Cayenne, pulled neatly into an empty parking bay….he stepped out. Towering 6.4 feet tall with frame that could have given Hercules an Usain Bolt run for his money….he drew nigh. I watched him through my dark sunglasses as he made his way to the terrace lounge bar. Quickly I said my classic prayer, “oh let his brain surpass his frame!”  He found me in no time and we exchanged warm pleasantries. “Damn, he smells good”, I thought.

We ordered our preferences and quickly settled into some form of casual conversation. Not so long after, the dreaded nightmare began. With every utterance he made, my heart sank, the fire quelled. In no time I realised he’s also been afflicted with what I call the FBNS (Fine Boy No Substance) syndrome. Trying hard not to give up so soon like with previous dates, I said to myself, “Girl, change the topic. Maybe that would bring out the kind of intelligence you are desperately hoping to experience “. I was wrong!

I find it disrespectful when people on a date wouldn’t stop checking their phones or pinging! Funny but that was exactly what I felt like doing. I resisted the urge and could only pray I’d be saved by the bell. Before I could finish the prayers, my phone rang, yay! A quick glance at my phone screen revealed the name of a stalker. Right! Should I let this ring out or use it as my bail ticket? I settled for the latter and excused myself from his presence. On returning to the table, I was ready to deliver my classic “I gotta go” speech.  *Evil grin*. Date ended abruptly…sweet relief!Seriously, what is the matter with me? I just blew yet another dude away. I mean… he’s got the looks, the swag, the deep baritone voice that would send sweet shivers down a woman’s spine, he’s even got the benjamins. Sadly, none of these could make me look beyond his shallow mind. Without mincing words, my tolerance level for daftness is at a record low. How could a man so fine  be eluded of an incisive mind? Moreso, why can’t I overlook this deficiency and for the sake of companionship – settle? Ain’t no spring chicken and it’s been eons since my last relationship. Having grown a tough skin for the incessant complaints from the committee of friends and family, settling, rather, compromising is no option.

Then, there it was, a word I never knew existed yet perfectly described my insatiable condition. I learnt it was invented by Wolfieboy of LiveJournal (Darren Stalder) in 1998. It is a concatenated word of latin origin. Sapio, a latin root word from sapiens which means wise or intelligent and sexualis, as it pertains to sexual preferences.

Sapiosexual – Turned on by intelligence.

Alas! It was relieving to know I’m perfectly normal. Comforted  in the knowledge that there are many a people like me out there.

I am sapiosexual, an unapologetic one at that!

Are you?

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IT IS FINISHED….

“It is finished!”  -Jesus Christ, John 19:30

Today, April 18th I woke this morning to an overcast, gloomy morning. I thought how appropriate for today…Good Friday, although 2000 or so years ago, it was not such a good morning for Jesus…the day of His crucifixion. A bittersweet day, today’s gloominess seems appropriate.  Creation is in mourning for what happened so many years ago. Good for us, because it was the day of salvation for those who believe.Good for Jesus, because His purpose had been completed. Horrible in all that was done to Jesus. We take it all so lightly, but dying on a cross is not something to take lightly.  
Isaiah states it well:
“He was wounded for our transgressions;
He was crushed for out iniquities;
upon Him was chastisement that. brought us peace,
and with his stripes we are. Healed.” -Isaiah 53:4-5

I am grateful, ever so grateful for all that Christ has done for me and I don’t wanna nail him d 2nd time…..

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FAKE FRIENDS

Once again,I have just been recently betrayed by a close friend of mine. To say I am surprised would be a lie, but to say I am disappointed would be an understatement. I hate the sequence of events that proceeds betrayal by anyone, let alone someone considered to be close to me or someone i once confided in. The ache in the pit of your stomach from the initial blow of the let down, the pulsating of your temple as you try to ponder why this is happening and the pacing back and forth across an empty room in attempts to maintain your composure.
Lessons are very painful in life, but personally this one hits harder than most. I am very familiar with fake friends and the very real heart ache that comes each time their true nature is revealed. I know the pains that accompanies the betrayal of a false friend is a sting not like many others. I also know the relief of the removal of such a person from your life is just as great. Sometimes we are unaware of the wolves in sheep clothing that have crept into our houses. We are left to wonder which is worst? : A) That they were wolves from the start or B)or we are just now figuring it out? Either way it hurts.
I am getting better now at acceptance and trusting there is a reason for the way things happen sometimes. We do not always understand why the temporal pain we feel may very well be for long term happiness. God,however, knows everything and I can personally thank him for removing certain people throughout my life I probably would have held on ignorantly forever. If someone has hurt you,lied to you,hindered your progress in life repeatedly, chances are they are wolves too. Forgiveness is necessary, but self sabotage is not. If you are involved with angry,jealous,spiteful people posing as your friends yet acting more like your enemies, begin to take inventory of this types of people in your life and honestly start to remove them accordingly. Pray for strength and follow through,pray for each person as well as you bid them farewell.
Fake friends are real problems to us all. Not many can say they have not experienced one in their life at some point. Despite a few bad apples, the harvest of your relationship will prove to be pie worthy! Don’t be bitter in the betrayal of these people, but allow the experience to make you a bit better each time!

God bless y’all…

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