IT’S 12:45am AND AM THINKING ABOUT DAD

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My Dad died due to difficulty in breathing when I was 14 years old. That’s my “tag line” when people ask me about him. It sums up all the information they need. But for me, it carries a greater reality I felt when he died that I will never be the same. I will never be the same . . . as I was before. In some ways, I see life as a puzzle every experience you have forms a piece of your unique puzzle. When combined, they form the entire picture of your life. My Dad took a piece of my puzzle with him, a piece that will never return. I am incomplete without it, without him. We shared memories that nobody else shares, which means he knew me differently than anyone else. When someone you love dies, that part of you dies as well. You can’t re-live that memory with anyone else. Your puzzle may grow, but you can never replace that missing piece. And because of that, I will never be the same again. My view of the world also changed. Before Dad died, I was young, innocent, and naive. I saw God’s beauty in the smallest things plants starting to bud, cocooning butterflies, the exact colour blue of the sky. When I found a four-leaf clover, Dad laminated it for me to preserve that small wonder. When I had questions, Dad would answer them. He always had the answers. The world had infinite joys to discover and I had endless curiosity. Life seemed to go on forever and I never thought about death. After the funeral, that all changed. I lost my parent, my hero, and my teacher. I thought a lot about death and dying. I still had plenty of questions, but nobody to answer them. And they certainly weren’t fun questions. So I learned things on my own great big things that I couldn’t have understood any other way. I learned the importance of telling people that you love them. Don’t ever let them wonder how you feel. Of all the things I regret, missing the chance to say “I love you” will never be one of them. I also learned to never pass up an opportunity to give or receive a genuine hug. When Dad was dying, I was terrified. I didn’t know how to act, what to say, so I sat in silence. He asked me, “Aren’t you going to give me a hug?” When we hugged, he started to cry. That memory has broken my heart ever since. He never should have had to ask. There are few words and fewer acts that can convey more emotion, more truth than a hug. They are the simplest, most perfect way to ease despair, to share joy, to demonstrate empathy, or to show love. Anyone who knows me knows that my hugs are free and frequent.
I will never be the same . . . as someone who hasn’t lost a parent. One of the hardest things about losing a parent is feeling that nobody understands. Even worse is feeling different and seeing those differences every day. When your friend shows you a car his dad bought for him, or you see how happy her dad looks to walk her down the aisle, or when they complain about something their dad did . . . you know you’re not the same. Your “memory playlist” is shorter. You can’t add more memories and you can’t relate to your friends with longer playlists. It hurts, it’s lonely, and there are some days you’d do almost anything to be the same . . . as you were, as they are.
But sometimes being different can be a good thing. At first with bitterness, now with acceptance, I realized that there is no promise of tomorrow. You are given such a small time, and you never know when your time will run out. Many people don’t truly appreciate this. How can they if they’ve never had to think about death? So treasure your life, make it worthwhile. Spend your life doing things that make you happy because you may not have the chance later. My life has been fuller, more beautiful, and more fun because I take chances that come to me. If my dad hadn’t died, would I always have played it safe? Something tells me maybe not.
Because of my dad’s death, I will never be the same. I traded innocence and “fitting in” for understanding and appreciation. I lost my dad but gained something in return. Would I give up everything I’ve learned if I could have my dad back? I don’t have that option. The only option I have is to make those changes as valuable as possible. If Dad can see me, I want him to know that he’s still teaching me and still answering my questions.

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WHEN YOU HAVE TO SAY GOODBYE

Time always move forward, sometimes so slow it hurt but sometimes so fast that I don’t even notice. I still remember the day I started my fresh year at the university. But now 5 year has passed, and now am a graduate and I don’t think I will ever get to see my best friend EMEGHA CHUKS and PRISCA AGHAULOR again. When I think about the thing we have done together, the moment we all had fun, the moment we all quarelled, the moment we all share our sadness, etc. , and to think that I have to say Goodbye to you both, tear starts to form in my eyes. As we continue our path we choose, I hope that our
memory together will always be there to remind us about our happiness and to remind us that there will always be someone wishing you all the best.
To my best friend:
Thank you for letting me be myself and accepting me for who I am. Thank you for all the warmth. Thank you for always being there when I need someone. Thank you for taking care of me and most importantly thank you for tolerating me. I want you guys to know that I really enjoy our moment together and I really like myself when I’m with you both. Thank you so much for being my friends. Love you both to the moon and I never come back *tears*

Oh Hello again every one sorry about the rambling. I have many friends here at the university. And after I graduate we will continue on our way of life or our dream which are quite different. I just hope they succeed on everything they did. Goodbye is such a hard word to say. But at least it indicates that there will be time to meet again, right?

But I’m feeling a little bit sad. I shouldn’t be, it not that we will never see each other again. But I think thing will not be the same anymore. We will not be crazy student who does crazy thing together anymore. We will grow up, everyone does am just a little sad, that all

It would be great if time can move back so that I can go back to the time I like as much as I want. But our life might be more complicated. Don’t you think?

When the time you have to say goodbye come near, what will you do? So am officially saying GOODBYE
I LOVE YOU ALL *kisses*

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I AM SAPIOSEXUAL!!!

Gracefully, the sleek ride, a jet black 2013 Porsche Cayenne, pulled neatly into an empty parking bay….he stepped out. Towering 6.4 feet tall with frame that could have given Hercules an Usain Bolt run for his money….he drew nigh. I watched him through my dark sunglasses as he made his way to the terrace lounge bar. Quickly I said my classic prayer, “oh let his brain surpass his frame!”  He found me in no time and we exchanged warm pleasantries. “Damn, he smells good”, I thought.

We ordered our preferences and quickly settled into some form of casual conversation. Not so long after, the dreaded nightmare began. With every utterance he made, my heart sank, the fire quelled. In no time I realised he’s also been afflicted with what I call the FBNS (Fine Boy No Substance) syndrome. Trying hard not to give up so soon like with previous dates, I said to myself, “Girl, change the topic. Maybe that would bring out the kind of intelligence you are desperately hoping to experience “. I was wrong!

I find it disrespectful when people on a date wouldn’t stop checking their phones or pinging! Funny but that was exactly what I felt like doing. I resisted the urge and could only pray I’d be saved by the bell. Before I could finish the prayers, my phone rang, yay! A quick glance at my phone screen revealed the name of a stalker. Right! Should I let this ring out or use it as my bail ticket? I settled for the latter and excused myself from his presence. On returning to the table, I was ready to deliver my classic “I gotta go” speech.  *Evil grin*. Date ended abruptly…sweet relief!Seriously, what is the matter with me? I just blew yet another dude away. I mean… he’s got the looks, the swag, the deep baritone voice that would send sweet shivers down a woman’s spine, he’s even got the benjamins. Sadly, none of these could make me look beyond his shallow mind. Without mincing words, my tolerance level for daftness is at a record low. How could a man so fine  be eluded of an incisive mind? Moreso, why can’t I overlook this deficiency and for the sake of companionship – settle? Ain’t no spring chicken and it’s been eons since my last relationship. Having grown a tough skin for the incessant complaints from the committee of friends and family, settling, rather, compromising is no option.

Then, there it was, a word I never knew existed yet perfectly described my insatiable condition. I learnt it was invented by Wolfieboy of LiveJournal (Darren Stalder) in 1998. It is a concatenated word of latin origin. Sapio, a latin root word from sapiens which means wise or intelligent and sexualis, as it pertains to sexual preferences.

Sapiosexual – Turned on by intelligence.

Alas! It was relieving to know I’m perfectly normal. Comforted  in the knowledge that there are many a people like me out there.

I am sapiosexual, an unapologetic one at that!

Are you?

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IT IS FINISHED….

“It is finished!”  -Jesus Christ, John 19:30

Today, April 18th I woke this morning to an overcast, gloomy morning. I thought how appropriate for today…Good Friday, although 2000 or so years ago, it was not such a good morning for Jesus…the day of His crucifixion. A bittersweet day, today’s gloominess seems appropriate.  Creation is in mourning for what happened so many years ago. Good for us, because it was the day of salvation for those who believe.Good for Jesus, because His purpose had been completed. Horrible in all that was done to Jesus. We take it all so lightly, but dying on a cross is not something to take lightly.  
Isaiah states it well:
“He was wounded for our transgressions;
He was crushed for out iniquities;
upon Him was chastisement that. brought us peace,
and with his stripes we are. Healed.” -Isaiah 53:4-5

I am grateful, ever so grateful for all that Christ has done for me and I don’t wanna nail him d 2nd time…..

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FAKE FRIENDS

Once again,I have just been recently betrayed by a close friend of mine. To say I am surprised would be a lie, but to say I am disappointed would be an understatement. I hate the sequence of events that proceeds betrayal by anyone, let alone someone considered to be close to me or someone i once confided in. The ache in the pit of your stomach from the initial blow of the let down, the pulsating of your temple as you try to ponder why this is happening and the pacing back and forth across an empty room in attempts to maintain your composure.
Lessons are very painful in life, but personally this one hits harder than most. I am very familiar with fake friends and the very real heart ache that comes each time their true nature is revealed. I know the pains that accompanies the betrayal of a false friend is a sting not like many others. I also know the relief of the removal of such a person from your life is just as great. Sometimes we are unaware of the wolves in sheep clothing that have crept into our houses. We are left to wonder which is worst? : A) That they were wolves from the start or B)or we are just now figuring it out? Either way it hurts.
I am getting better now at acceptance and trusting there is a reason for the way things happen sometimes. We do not always understand why the temporal pain we feel may very well be for long term happiness. God,however, knows everything and I can personally thank him for removing certain people throughout my life I probably would have held on ignorantly forever. If someone has hurt you,lied to you,hindered your progress in life repeatedly, chances are they are wolves too. Forgiveness is necessary, but self sabotage is not. If you are involved with angry,jealous,spiteful people posing as your friends yet acting more like your enemies, begin to take inventory of this types of people in your life and honestly start to remove them accordingly. Pray for strength and follow through,pray for each person as well as you bid them farewell.
Fake friends are real problems to us all. Not many can say they have not experienced one in their life at some point. Despite a few bad apples, the harvest of your relationship will prove to be pie worthy! Don’t be bitter in the betrayal of these people, but allow the experience to make you a bit better each time!

God bless y’all…

COUNT DOWN TO GRADUATION

Its hard to believe that my graduation is only few months away. Graduation is a quickly approaching reality with a lot of excitement and a sense of accomplishment. At the beginning everything i had to accomplish to graduate seemed overwhelming, but as graduation creeps closer i continuously cross more and more off my list…like my thesis: While there is so much excitement about graduating, it also brings change.

Change can be a scary thing, i have come to realize how comfortable i am in Delta state university and how it slowly became a second home. I have my family and my routine, and now a lot is about to change.

I know i am prepared to make the next step but that doesn’t mean i cant be nervous about it. I am very excited about my life, but some of that excitement is turning into nerves—moving to a new place,my first job,travelling for that job,being financially independent getting married bla bla bla. Its a big change, but its a change everyone goes through.

Change has always scared me, but just like i adjusted and came to love being a student of Delsu, i know i will adjust to this change. I keep reminding myself that all my hard work for the past years has been for this time and this moment i really cant wait to graduate cos this is the moment have been waiting for.

2013 A YEAR TO REMEMBER

Thanks to everyone who has read my blog over the past 3 months. Thanks especially to those of you who have left comments.

It hasn’t been the easiest year of my life, but it has been one of those pivotal years when things change a lot and I am feeling that slowly things are getting better. Blogging has helped hugely. Starting from asuu strike down to some personal and family issues its bin a tough year though but God has been my source of strength.

I have posted 7 posts since october and hv had many views that I did not expect. I would never have dreamed of getting so many people having a look at my random musings – I am thrilled.

The most popular post COLD DAYS with the highest number of views has always bin my source of inspiration and I hope y’all learnt frm it.

Rest assured I will continue to blog in 2014 – who knows what exciting things there might be to write about! I wanna end my post for the year and I promise never to forgt 2013 because it has bin one of my most challenging year. I just want to say thank you for being the year when I got my big break in breaking open. 2014, I declare you complete! Tanks y’all for bin a part of me and I hope to spend many more christmas with you,God bless u all richly. Merry christmas and a profitable 2014 in advance

HIGH SCHOOL DAYS

I decided to blog about this because i saw pictures of my juniors on facebook.Then i realize that i really really miss my high school days.
I miss those times where stress don’t pile up and i can see my friends everyday.
I know that when you are in school, you cant wait to get out of school but when you’re finally out, u know that school times were the best & you can’t turn back definitely. The only thing you can do is looking back at those pictures, thinking about the fun memories you used to have back then in school and start laughing at how immature you were right?
i would not say i am a totally good obedient girl back then in school and i’m not the bad rebellious either. I am just the ordinary+active+not very smart+not talking+stubborn+breaking little rules student. I know what i am doing and the right thing to do.
i can say i out-powered myself. as in, i used the reason as a house captain to skip class but i know my limits. I know which class is gonna be important and which isn’t
and i don’t know if the teachers actually knew i was lying or the really got conned by me
i think being in school is one of the best time of life anyone can have because its just so irreplaceable and that indicates your growing up process.
I miss all my friends: those who inspired me,those who made a difference in my life,those who made me smile one way or the other,those whom we shared our provisions togeda *chai*and of course those who somehow shaped me for who I am.
If given the chance to be in a room with all of them I would gladly take it*smiles* I miss them dearly, and I don’t get the chance to see most of them anymore. I’ve lost contact with most of them these past years and lest I forget I think its time to pay a visit to my school, but i would say the only teacher whom i am willing to spend time visiting is Mrs Nyang my biology teacher her class is never a boring one and no student likes to miss it. *yaay* miss her so much and I know dat someday we all will meet again just like we have always bin *smiles*
My next blog will definately be about the names of my high school friends and a little bio about them.

15 REASONS WHY CARS ARE BETTER THAN MEN

Reasons why cars are better than men!
1. A car can take NO for an answer.
2. A car doesn’t leave if you don’t drive it for a while.
3. A car knows you are right and doesn’t argue.
4. If you want to take a slow ride, your car doesn’t care.
5. A car lets you dress it any way you want.
6. A car will never leave you for someone else.
7. You can sell a car and buy another one without any feelings of regret.
8. A car doesn’t care if you tell another person their car looks FINE!
9. When you want a hard ride, you get it.
10. A car always looks like a million bucks! Even if there is a little dirt here and there!
11. A car doesn’t mind if you jump in for a ride then change my mind and jump back out.
12. A car doesn’t care if you take another car for a test drive.
13. Cars aren’t jealous.
14. Cars don’t fight with one another unless you let them (racing).
15. Cars can be turned on and off.
Lolz just a joke oo don’t want y’all to go change your man for cars ooo LMAO

THAT FEELING

Don’t you just love days when you wake up and your bb light is blinking…and you wonder into thoughts of what the text could be, something along the lines of, “good morning sunshine…did you sleep well?”

So you unlock your phone and it’s 3 personal emails, 2 forwards from your mum, 4 mentions on twitter, 1 text message from your Pastor and 2 bbm messages…

niiiice, 2 bbm messages?

You obviously save the bbm messages and check them last…you work your way slowly through the almost irrelevant messages, just because in your mind, there is a light at the end of the tunnel and the excitement is aggravated when it takes longer to get to them.

Now you’re done the mails, forwards, tweets, text and now you attempt to open up your bbm…getting all giddy inside…even though your eyes aren’t completely wide open and you’re still sort of in sleep mode, all your body senses start to awaken in anticipation and hope..

You open up your bbm and two people have sent you messages.
One of the messages is the morning bible verse you get daily from a friend and the other is from another friend who just wanted to say wassup…

*sigh*

You begin to wish you had opened the bbm first and replied that one tweet last. There was no “hello sunshine…” nothin remotely close to icing your cake…just a bunch of messages killing your battery…

Funny how that one (special message, from that “special” someone) text that didn’t come in, suddenly made all other messages seem like they were running your battery down…lol Gud mawning friends hv a blessed day ahead

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